Value – Guiding GRACE

End It

A young girl sits in a cold, dark room. Tears stream down her red, raw cheeks. She quietly whispers to herself through her own muffled sobs, “How did this happen? How did I get here?” Then suddenly she hears those footsteps again. Thump. Thump. Thump. Thump. The lock on the door begins to turn and the familiar creak in the hinge echoes through the tiny room. She closes her eyes as tight as she can, but she knows it won’t make it stop. He’s here again…..and this time he isn’t alone.

Another girl sits in front of a mirror. The music is pulsating through every object in this tight and cramped dressing room. She looks herself up and down and wonders if the makeup will hide her true feelings. Her skin is covered in purple, blue, green, and yellow splotches – bruises and track marks – some new, some old – but each carries its own pain and memory. A single solitary tear runs down her face. She wipes it away quickly – she’s not allowed to “feel” anymore. She can’t afford to feel – it’s the only way she can survive. A gruff and burly man pokes his head through the curtain. “You’re on in 2!”, he huffs at her. Slowly her eyes move to the only thing on that table that can make her forget she’s there…make her forget she feels anything at all. Perhaps it’ll offer only a momentary high, but anything that can take away the pain is worth it to her now.

Back and forth another girl walks. Her feet pounding more pavement in a night than most people see all week. She remembers a song from her childhood, Chasing Pavements, but snickers as she realizes THIS is not what Adele had in mind. Quickly, she darts her eyes across the street to see if HE saw her momentary lapse of emotion. The mere thought of HIM sends shivers down her spine, almost as much of thinking of the next John to stop on her strip of sidewalk. This is not the life her mother had planned for her. It’s not even the life she had thought of. All she was looking for was a way out of her house and away from her parents – instead she found a way into her own personal hell on earth. And finding a way out of this hell seemed impossible; death itself might be a sweeter option, she mused.

These might sound like scenes out of a movie. But for far too many, this is a familiar daily occurrence in the world of sex trafficking. And it’s happening all around you whether you realize it or not.

Today is “Shine A Light On Slavery Day” – part of the End It movement. In support of this cause, you’ll see people wearing a red “X” on their hand. But this issue doesn’t just exist one day out of the year. For the people living it, stuck in the middle of it, for girls like these that I’ve spoken of, it’s every single day: 24 hours, 1,440 minutes, 86,400 seconds of a living nightmare.

Many years ago, in my younger days of working youth ministry, I was on an inner city missions trip to St. Louis. Our first night there, after all the kids were sound asleep, the staff of the Dream Center took the leaders out to help with their prostitution ministry. We spent time showing the women, walking the streets, that God’s love for them was unconditional – all while our driver kept an eye on the pimps with the van door open, prepared for us to make a quick getaway if need be. We finished the night, or should I say morning as it was nearing 3am at this point, in a parking lot of a strip club in Illinois, eating BBQ.

At the time, I didn’t think much of this experience outside of what it was on the surface – witnessing and sharing the love of God to those in the “sex industry”. But a couple of years ago, I witnessed one of the saddest things I’ve ever experienced.

While helping a friend look for a runaway, I saw first hand the people inside some of these seedy establishments we all know and pass by often, yet have never given them a second thought. I saw girls, impossibly young, not a day over 16-17yrs, so drugged they could barely stand upright, nearly if not entirely naked, selling themselves for a few dollars and a moment of dancing to men three times their age.

My heart immediately ached for these girls. I wondered how many of them had families who were desperately looking for them too? These were girls who had likely been lured away with the promise of a better life, their own life away from the parents they thought at the time they hated, promised a job and roof over their head – and before they knew it, they found themselves addicted and indebted to a man who not only didn’t love them, but saw them as property instead of a person.

I asked how this could ever be going on…right here in what I thought was a safe city…and why on earth were the police not here, breaking down the doors,to rescue these helpless underage girls?!

My world was quickly turned upside down as I began to hear story after story of how often their (the law’s) hands are tied when it comes to things like this. When fake/false identification is provided that can’t be proven otherwise – when probable cause must exist as well as warrants before they can enter these establishments – and even times when the law works against the girls and is harsher on them than on the perpetrators who put them there.

And this isn’t just happening in one or two places, or one or two cities; it’s everywhere. And whether you realize it or not, it’s all around you too! As you begin to notice the tell tell signs of an enslaved person, you begin to see it everywhere – even more so when events come to town where there is an influx of people. It’s not just frightening, it’s downright horrific.

What, you may ask, should you take away from all of this? Perhaps you’ve known of this already occurring in your city. Or maybe I’ve enlightened you to a world you thought was CHOSEN by these people “working” in it? What I desire you take away from this is that it’s time we no longer turn a blind eye to sex trafficking and slavery and instead choose to make a difference. Whether that’s praying for them, showing God’s love to them, getting involved in ministries helping them, or donating so others can make a difference- DO SOMETHING! Quit sitting idly by thinking this will never affect you.

I could certainly talk on and on about this issue. No girl should ever have to experience this – but those who have should know – IT DOES NOT DEFINE THEM! They are just as valuable to God as you and I are. They’re just as beautiful. Just as smart. Just as precious. They are worthy not only of God’s love, but of His sacrifice for each of us.

YOU can make a difference too by getting involved!

A21 Campaign – Founded by Christine Caine – they are setting out to abolish slavery and human trafficking – http://www.A21.org

Bochy’s Place – Founded by Carla Shellis – giving these girls, who have been rescued out of this world, not just a place to live and recover, but a foundation to build a life – http://www.bochysplace.com

In HIM…You ARE

Have you ever been asked to do something you weren’t sure you were capable of? Or been in a situation where you felt completely over your head?

Have you ever felt unqualified? Unworthy? Unlovable? Unbeautiful?

I know I have. In fact, when I was asked to speak to the youth at our summer camp – I was excited! At first, that is. Then that small little voice of fear crept in.

You see, Satan doesn’t take a sick day. He doesn’t sit back and think, nah I’m just going to let that one slide. No, he’s always there, waiting for the opportune moment to sink his claws in and destroy anything good God has for us!

Lisa Bevere once said, ‘Satan doesn’t attack us based on our past, he attacks us based on our future!’

He attacks us based on what he KNOWS we are capable of because he knows what Christ, who lives in us, is capable of!

So when that little voice started saying to me: you aren’t ready for this. You’ve never stood in front of people talking (as I started having horrible flashbacks to college speech classes) – You aren’t qualified to do this. I quickly felt deflated and defeated.

Sure I’ve done the small group thing before – where you have the instant feedback and gratification from your participants – but to actually get up and speak to an audience – to preach – mark that one on my ‘Never Have I Ever’ list.

But what does the Word say about who Satan is? Does he come to remind us of the obvious truths we may believe in? No. The Word says in John 8:44 that Satan is a thief and the father of all lies – that there is no truth in him. And in John 10:10 NLT – “The thief’s purpose is to steal and kill and destroy. My purpose is to give them a rich and satisfying life.”

Satan takes the truth and twists it until it becomes a lie you believe. As a prime example, just last night – through a series of crazy events – we saw bugs on the beds we were preparing to sleep in. The truth of the matter – it was an actual bug on the bed. The lie – they weren’t bedbugs. Satan took that truth, and through fear, twisted it into a lie until we were so overcome by it that no one wanted to sleep on the beds.

Satan comes to STEAL the TRUTH from you, to KILL your FAITH and FUTURE, and DESTROY EVERY GOOD THING GOD HAS FOR YOU.

So the Lord really began to minister to me about who I am and who lives IN me.

Because of Him – My past and sins were crucified with Him

Because of Him – I was raised up and I am alive

Because of Him – it isn’t me who lives, but Christ who lives

He LIVES in ME! He LIVES in YOU!

“I have been crucified with Christ; it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself for me.” Galatians‬ ‭2:20‬ ‭NKJV‬‬

Because of Him, because He lives in me…when I believe the lies of the devil and I say I’M not qualified, I’M not capable, I’M not beautiful, I’M not ENOUGH…we are saying that Christ IN US isn’t qualified, isn’t capable, isn’t exactly who He created you to be – we are saying Christ ISN’T ENOUGH!

I don’t know about y’all. But that revelation hit me like a ton of bricks. Christ IS enough. His death and resurrection ARE my LIFE! When the greater one resides in you…who can be against you? What dare be against you?

But even more so as I was praying over this Wednesday on my drive to church…the Lord began to minister to me about not just Christ in me, but Christ in others.

One of the nasty lies of Satan I’ve believed all of my life is that I wasn’t pretty, wasn’t beautiful. How much more so if I didn’t believe it and didn’t love myself, then how could anyone else find me pretty, or beautiful, or love me?!

That’s when the Lord began to minister to me that if He’s in me and He is everything, then isn’t He the same in other believers too? I have to believe that Him in me, Him in you, and Him in my future spouse are enough too!

With Christ in you, because of the sacrifice He made…you are equipped and capable and beautiful and EVERYTHING HE DESIGNED YOU TO BE!!

When Everything Goes Gray

There’s always been something about thunderstorms that I love, but also hate. As the clouds roll in, bringing much needed rain to the land, they also bring a gloomy, gray blanket that seems to immerse everything within its reach.

As I laid in bed one evening this past week, listening to the thunder rumble in the distance, I started thinking about when things went gray in my life.

Let’s discuss a subject that has had so many talking lately – and frankly effects far more youth than I could have ever imagined. If you haven’t dealt with it yourself, you know someone who has.

Suicide

This is a topic I’ve never broached before. Not on paper. Not online. Not even in person. In all honesty, only one person in my life really knows all that went on and all that I went through (and even she might not know/remember some of the details I’m about to share). But I’ve had it on my heart for months now to share my story.

I can’t tell you what triggered it. I wasn’t bullied. There was no event that brought on the feelings. One day, my 10yr old self (yes at just 10 years of age), woke up like every other day – the difference came that night when I tried to go to sleep.

That night, when I turned the lights out and curled up in bed, it started. It was a quiet, little voice at first but when I gave it place, it quickly became the loudest thing I heard each night.

“No one would miss you”

“No one really loves you”

I had two parents who loved me unconditionally. A pesky little brother. Grandparents who thought the world of me. And a church and pastor that considered me their own. Yet all I could think about each evening was how I should do it and what I’d write in a note to leave behind.

I don’t quite remember how much time passed before I began to talk about it. But I do remember countless nights of insomnia. And I remember crying one night and my mother coming in and telling her I was afraid to go to sleep because I thought I’d die. It became so drastic a fear that I began to believe my own body would forget how to breathe in and out.

Here I was, a prepubescent child, dealing with a very (not to get overly spiritual) demonic spirit of fear and death. I was tortured with thoughts of killing myself (down to the details of what I’d use, how, when, etc) and yet in the moments I tried to find peace and rest, I was plagued with the fear of dying – of not waking up or forgetting how to breathe.

I’d like to say there is a magic answer to make feelings like these go away. Perhaps for some there is. But for me, there wasn’t. It was countless nights (months) of tossing, turning, crying, pacing my floor, and even actually writing a note out one night and sneaking in to my parents room as they were sleeping because I knew they kept a gun in there. My mother played a “Peaceful Praise” tape on repeat in my room each evening and she prayed with me often. I even prayed myself. I knew this wasn’t what God wanted for me – I found myself literally crying out to Him.

Months passed before the suicidal thoughts and fear of death began to subside.

I never fully acted on it. I never had any professional counseling. No medication. Frankly, in the early 90’s, it wasn’t talked about much and people didn’t go to counsellors like they do now. And unlike today, there were no wonderful female ministers teaching about your immeasurable value in Christ; No books about how God created you beautiful just as your are. No – It was simply the grace of God that saved me and the sheer determination of a 10yr old who wanted to live and not die.

I don’t know why I went through this all at such a young age aside from I truly believe: Satan wants to destroy anything and everything that could ever bring glory for the kingdom of God.

I’d be lying if I said the thoughts never tried to creep in after that. But I’m older and wiser now. I know where the voices of despair, depression, and death come from and I know exactly where they belong. I know that His word says He had a plan for my life before I was even formed in my mother’s womb (Jeremiah 1:5), that His plans are for my good not for my demise (Jeremiah 29:11), and that the spirit of fear doesn’t come from God because He gives us power, love, and a peaceful mind (2 Timothy 1:7).

I don’t know why I’ve had it on my heart to share. Especially to share something so personal that I’ve never even talked to my best friend about it. Maybe there is someone that needed to read it. And if it reaches just one person, then it is all worth it.

No matter how bleak things may appear. When everything in your life seems to go gray. When there seems to be no answer to the problems you’re facing. When you feel more alone than you ever thought possible. When the voices speak so loud you can’t hear your own. Know that:
You are not alone

You are valuable

You are beautiful

You are wanted

You are loved

You have a purpose

You have a plan

You are needed

You are alive

And know, it’s ok to talk about it. There is no shame – no stigmas – no condemnation. The torturous thoughts and feelings of suicide are no respecter of age, race, gender, religion, socioeconomic status, etc – it doesn’t matter if you are 10 years old or 100 years old. Talk to your family. Your friends. Your pastor. A leader in your church. A counselor. Someone you trust. Anyone. And if you feel you have no one you can talk to about it – call the suicide hotline 1-800-273-TALK (1-800-273-8255 or suicide.org). There is NOTHING so horrible that it is worth taking your own life for and you don’t have to face it alone.

Hello GRACE

When I wrote Cannonball Faith 517 days ago, I had no idea this is where it would take me or how many people my words, God’s words, would reach. I told God from the beginning, if I did it for just one person to know how valued they are, how precious they are, how beautiful they are, how loved they are, then I would know it was all worth it.

The Lord has shown me bits and pieces here and there, but it wasn’t until a year ago, when I filled out a card at my church for what I would like to volunteer/do, that I really started to see the big picture.

At that time, all I knew was that my heart was to work with the teen girls – to help them see that their invaluable worth in God is greater than they could ever know – to help them see what I couldn’t see myself as a young teenager. But when I was pressed for what that actually meant, I wasn’t sure. So I sought God for His direction with my heart’s new found desire.

It took longer than I expected – God seemed rather silent on the matter for more than a couple of months. But one night, I gave it all over to Him and found rest in His peace. And in that moment of surrender, I heard the word “Grace” – and just like that GRACE – Girls Rising Above Common Expectations was planted in my heart.

Romans 12:1-2 says to not only live a holy and sacred life, but to allow God to transform you instead of conforming to who the world thinks you should be. It is the foundational scripture for GRACE – don’t become who the world thinks you should be, become who God already knows you are. The world has so many pressures and expectations it places on our girls (and boys too): look this way, weigh this much, wear this brand, date this person, do this thing, etc., etc., etc.

I wrote out my vision, made it plain, and hid it away – sharing only with a few trusted people. One person I shared it with, whom I admire and trust very much, immediately said “You sound like Lisa Bevere”. That is perhaps the most flattering compliment I’ve ever received in my life!

Over the next 9 months (yes I see the irony in that), GRACE grew bigger and bigger inside of me even when things in the natural weren’t going the way I expected them to with it. In fact, in the natural, I was downright discouraged.

A dear friend posted the other day, “Don’t be discouraged when people don’t use you. Don’t quit because people don’t use you. Don’t question your calling or anointing because people don’t use you. Don’t crumble and break because people don’t use you. Push harder when people don’t use you. Seek Him more when people don’t use you. After all, I’m used by God and not people anyway! If people don’t use you it’s because God needs you somewhere else and that’s the only place I want to be.” -AO

This perfectly summarized how I had felt over the past 9 months but also poignantly put what I had done. When GRACE didn’t happen the way I thought it was going to, I went back to God and said, “I know this is Yours, not mine. So show me what I need to do. Show me what You want for GRACE.” And with that, Guiding GRACE was born..

The vision for Guiding GRACE grows bigger within me every day. The things God has shown me, and continues to show me, keep me astounded at God’s goodness in my life! I am so excited for everything that is still to come for Guiding GRACE, but for now, these small steps (that seem so huge), are the first steps towards all that God has for this big vision in this heart of mine.

GertieOnline is now GuidingGRACE!! The blog has already reached thousands of people and 36 countries around the world – and it’s just beginning!! God is so good!!

Every person that has left a comment, message, email, text, social media share, followed, and even your comments in person – every one of those has meant the world to me and helped me see that yes, THIS, was worth it all!

Look for great things in the future from GuidingGRACE and make sure to follow us on social media – Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter @guidinggrace or direct at http://www.guidinggrace.org

Don’t ever be discouraged because people aren’t using you the way you think they should. Be confident in what God has placed in your heart and press into Him even more – His visions and callings aren’t reliant on other people to make them happen, they’re only reliant on you and your obedience to Him.

Know Your Value

The last few weeks have been rough for me. These last 5lbs before hitting my first goal have been very stubborn at coming off. Of course the holiday eating and get-togethers with friends and church members hasn’t helped either. But all of this has really had me thinking about my own self esteem and self worth.

Last week I was talking on the phone with my bestie. She’s been so encouraging with the progress I’ve made so far, but I told her a little attention from guys wouldn’t hurt every now and then. I really need to be more careful with the words I use though. “T” came out of the woodwork last week after I mentioned the wiper blades on my car being bad on Facebook. Even offering to come to my work and fix my car there. Ok God, I get it…I need to be more specific.

Receiving a compliment or some attention can really go a long way when your self esteem is low. Feeling pretty is one thing. But knowing that someone else sees you that way can mean even more. And God has always been so good to me when it comes to these low points in life. A marriage proposal from a drive-thru attendant who thought I was the most beautiful woman ever was a nice pick-me-up. Or the sweet little Jewish soldier, who not only gave me a custom parking place on the sidewalk, but also “guarded” my car because “I was the most beautiful woman” he had ever seen was definitely a self esteem booster.

Recently, I was talking to a friend about this and how it pertains to relationships. That’s when I realized I was looking for a relationship to fulfill something that God had already done. I was looking for a guy to give me self worth; to see value in me.

God treasures us. We are His and His love for us is so great that He’d do anything for us, including giving His Son in death so that we could live. If that isn’t something to give you worth and value, I don’t know what is. But the Word doesn’t just stop there in John 3:16 about how much God loves us. God loves us so that He made us in His own image (Genesis 1:27). He didn’t make us in the image of some idea He had….He made us perfect in His own perfect image. He knows us and values us so much that He knows the numbers of hairs on our head (Matthew 10:29-31). He loves us so that He planned our futures before we were ever born (Jeremiah 1:5).

People can give you value, but it’ll never be worth as much as the value God has given you because that value knows no limits. If you are looking to find your value in a man (or for the guys, finding value in a woman) you’ll find yourself disappointed because you’re looking for the world to fill a need that only God can really fulfill. Worldly value will fade with time and wane with a person’s feelings. But your value in God will never change.

So know that you are worthy, you are valued, but above all else, you are loved deeply and passionately in a way only your Creator can.