Fifty Shades of a Lie

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If you’re anything like me then you are probably thinking “how the heck did these books become so popular and mainstream?!” Well, it wasn’t their stellar writing, I’ll tell you that much. It wasn’t a great plot line either. And it definitely wasn’t the strong, female heroine in the story. No. It was the one-dimensional, bland leading lady that every woman, who has ever doubted her own self-worth, could wholeheartedly relate to. And (are you ready to tip this cow?) it’s the same reason Twilight became so popular.

So, what’s wrong with that, you might ask?

Well, let me tell you dear readers.

I was one of those women. Yup! I read the Twilight series. Devoured is more like it. And more than once. I remember the excitement I would have when I found another friend who was reading them too. It wasn’t a secret to be reading them, but this was long ago enough that they weren’t totally mainstream yet – and it wasn’t PC to be reading about (gasp) vampires if you were a Christian.

All I could think, after finishing them though, was how much I wanted to have a love like that. Every woman wants a man to come along and give her value. To make her feel like she’s the most amazing woman in the world. To make her feel beautiful. To make her feel like she is worth giving everything up for, even their own life.

It’s been several since years my friend “E” and I spoke of the issues with the series Twilight. In fact, I had totally forgotten about our conversations on it until I read her post on Facebook this week about Fifty Shades of Grey.

“It’s not about the sex…it’s about playing on a woman’s fears that she is unlovable. Playing on the fantasy when you don’t love yourself – some perfect man will see you for something more…and love you unconditionally. The heroine in this book, and another famous one, are indeed blank…with just enough thoughts like what every woman thinks to make it a perfect form for the reader to place themselves into the story. Now they are the one in the book, with the rich-bigger-than-life guy, being loved and cared for. All boiling down to a lack of knowledge on how much God loves you and how perfect we truly are IN HIM.” – quote from “E”

Therein lies the problem. Therein lies the greatest lie of all lies.

Just as I touched on in Know Your Value, you are looking in all of the wrong places if you are waiting for a man to give you value. This void can only be filled with the true knowledge of who you are in Christ, just as “E” said above.

Do you want to feel like the most important person in the world? Jesus would have died, even if it was just for you. Do you want to feel beautiful? You were made in the image of God – His perfect image. Do you want to feel like you are worth giving everything up for, even giving a life for? God loves you so much, He gave the life of His only child so you could live.

It is an absolute lie to believe that you aren’t worth all that God has done for you. It is a lie to believe you aren’t worthy of love. It is a lie to believe you aren’t deserving of the best there is out there. I’ll even go a step further (another underlying issue with these books – more than I want to write about today)…it’s a lie to believe the abusive, controlling, and manipulative relationship, you might be in, is all you deserve to have. It’s a lie to believe that is all you are worth. It’s a lie to believe you can’t leave because you’ll never be loved or worth anything again.

YOU are worth so much more than all of that! You are worth more than what any book of fiction could ever tell you. You are worth far more than the fifty shades of lies you’ve read. Just turn to the one book of truth, the Bible, if you want to hear of Love that exceeds all expectations. A Love that is unfailing. A Love that conquers all, even death.

Seeing Past the Imperfect

This last week I pulled my crochet hooks out of hiding and dusted off my mad skills to start working on some goodies for a little boy that’ll be here this summer (a friend’s, not mine).

So I set my sights on making something I’ve never even attempted before: baby booties.

If you know me, then you know once I set my mind to something, I’m going to do it and redo it till it’s perfect. Yes. I will absolutely admit to being a perfectionist.

As I began following the directions for these super adorable baby booties, I quickly noticed two things: 1. The person who wrote the directions obviously couldn’t do math as the stitches didn’t add up – which irritated this perfectionist to no end (who is now holding a lumpy bootie) and 2. Sometimes, no matter how closely you follow the directions, things don’t always turn out the way you might expect them to.

I knew the moment I realized this, that there was a big life lesson to learn here.

I have worked very hard over the years at letting the small imperfections go. Every time I give something away, all I can think about is the one stitch that was missed or the seam that is slightly uneven. But the receiver of that gift will never notice that imperfection unless the giver points it out.

This is like us and God. We spend all of our time focusing on our imperfections; focusing on the things we wish we would have changed, could have done differently, or let go of.

Oh, BUT GOD!!

God doesn’t see the imperfections in us. He sees us as His beautiful creations, made in His image. He sees all the good still ahead of us, not the sin in our past that we’ve been forgiven of. He sees us through eyes of love, not eyes of hate.

It’s us who continually bring up the “but”s. But what about? But don’t you remember? But I’m not? But I can’t?

But what about the really big but? The…But what about when you follow the instructions/directions exactly and things still don’t turn out the way you expected? Like, for example, all of the expensive education I have, and feel absolutely 1000% that it was what God wanted me to do at the time, but I’m not using any of it right now?

That’s where the only two “buts” there should ever be come in, the “but God” and the “but faith”.

When we, as Christians, fully understand God’s love for us, and His desire to prosper us, not to harm us, we’ll understand that even when things don’t happen the way we want or think, it’s ok because God’s got it!

God doesn’t just see past any imperfections, He sees the big picture, the beginning from the end. He sees what we don’t. When all we see is how something didn’t go according to plan or how the instructions said it should, He sees the true end and all of the steps in between that we’re still going to take. This is where we have to trust wholeheartedly, by faith, in God and His love for us.

So the next time something happens and you find yourself frustrated with the outcomes and are left feeling imperfect, remember to see yourself as God sees you and have faith that the best is still to come, because it’s not over yet, not by a long shot in God’s plan for you!

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The “perfect” vs my “imperfect”

Know Your Value

IMG_6471-0The last few weeks have been rough for me. These last 5lbs before hitting my first goal have been very stubborn at coming off. Of course the holiday eating and get-togethers with friends and church members hasn’t helped either. But all of this has really had me thinking about my own self esteem and self worth.

Last week I was talking on the phone with my bestie. She’s been so encouraging with the progress I’ve made so far, but I told her a little attention from guys wouldn’t hurt every now and then. I really need to be more careful with the words I use though. “T” came out of the woodwork last week after I mentioned the wiper blades on my car being bad on Facebook. Even offering to come to my work and fix my car there. Ok God, I get it…I need to be more specific.

Receiving a compliment or some attention can really go a long way when your self esteem is low. Feeling pretty is one thing. But knowing that someone else sees you that way can mean even more. And God has always been so good to me when it comes to these low points in life. A marriage proposal from a drive-thru attendant who thought I was the most beautiful woman ever was a nice pick-me-up. Or the sweet little Jewish soldier, who not only gave me a custom parking place on the sidewalk, but also “guarded” my car because “I was the most beautiful woman” he had ever seen was definitely a self esteem booster.

Recently, I was talking to a friend about this and how it pertains to relationships. That’s when I realized I was looking for a relationship to fulfill something that God had already done. I was looking for a guy to give me self worth; to see value in me.

God treasures us. We are His and His love for us is so great that He’d do anything for us, including giving His Son in death so that we could live. If that isn’t something to give you worth and value, I don’t know what is. But the Word doesn’t just stop there in John 3:16 about how much God loves us. God loves us so that He made us in His own image (Genesis 1:27). He didn’t make us in the image of some idea He had….He made us perfect in His own perfect image. He knows us and values us so much that He knows the numbers of hairs on our head (Matthew 10:29-31). He loves us so that He planned our futures before we were ever born (Jeremiah 1:5).

People can give you value, but it’ll never be worth as much as the value God has given you because that value knows no limits. If you are looking to find your value in a man (or for the guys, finding value in a woman) you’ll find yourself disappointed because you’re looking for the world to fill a need that only God can really fulfill. Worldly value will fade with time and wane with a person’s feelings. But your value in God will never change.

So know that you are worthy, you are valued, but above all else, you are loved deeply and passionately in a way only your Creator can.

  

Putting Feet to Your Faith

  
I can remember growing up, one of my favorite songs was, Screen Door by Rich Mullins. It seemed that it was always playing on our drives from the rent house to the new house my parents were building at the time (ah, the ’80s – a moment of silence please for this great decade). As a kid, I used to laugh at the lyrics because they were so preposterous. Why would someone ever put a screen door on a submarine?! But as I got older, I realized how poignant the words really were.

Faith without works is like a song you can’t sing. It’s about as useless as a screen door on a submarine. 

I wish I remembered who first said to me “it’s time to put feet to your faith”. It has been a statement to live by in this Christian’s life – although I haven’t always done so, I resolve to live this way from here out.

Thinking back to writing about Cannonball Faith, having faith is one thing. But are you actually using what God gave you?

I’ve had my ups and downs at my job over the past 10 years, and there’s been more than one occasion where I would come home set on the idea that I was going to quit the next day. But I never did. Which is a discussion for later on being in the right place, at the right time, in God’s will. But every time I’d come home and begin to gripe about the current situation, I’d be asked “What are you doing about it?” Which of course my response was always “I’m praying about it. I’m praying the right job in.” <— pretty sure that’s the adult equivalent of your child coming out of Sunday school and asking them what they learned, only to receive the ‘one-size-fits-all’ quizzical response of “Jesus?”.

But you know, praying about it, and believing by faith are both great things to do…but God didn’t give us faith and the Holy Spirit to just sit around on our keisters being armchair believers – believing by faith, but not LIVING by faith – not putting works (action) to our faith.

The Bible is full of examples of men and women who not only believed by faith, but put that faith to action until they saw results. Two specific examples come to mind of literally putting feet to your faith: Peter walking on water and the battle of Jericho.

Peter had faith. He had great, walking-on-water faith. But remember too, he had the same measure of faith we’ve all been given. He could have stayed sitting in that boat, watching Jesus on the water. He could have answered like most Christians do when it comes to believing for something by faith – if it’s God will, then He’ll bring it to me. But he didn’t. He put feet to his faith and stepped out of that boat on to the unknown, on to the water. (Matthew 14)

It’s the same for the Israelites and the battle of Jericho. They could have easily camped outside of the city walls and used their faith, praying every day, for those walls to be removed. But no, they used their faith and obeyed God and what he asked of them and put their feet to work. They marched, and blew the ram’s horns, and gave a shout just as God had directed them to do so, and as the song goes, the walls came tumbling down. (Joshua 6)

Matthew 17:20 speaks of mountain moving faith – speak to the mountain to move and it will move. I really wish there was an asterisk after this verse though. So many get stuck on believing and confessing that they forget to put action to it. If I could put an asterisk next to this verse it would say “Speak to the mountain to move and it will move, however, if God puts a shovel in front of you, put it to work until that whole mountain is moved.” and then refer everyone to James 2:17 that “faith without works, is dead”.

This is where I think a lot of Christians get hung up with the believing and confessing part without the action part of faith.

When one of my aunts received a diagnosis of cancer years ago, it was a big blow. I love her dearly and for very selfish reasons did not want to see her die – she’s my spiritual rock, my go-to, my intercessor. So I began praying about it and received my own new revelation of God’s word and the wisdom He gives us. Believing for healing is great…but you better know you’ve heard from God and have had a come to Jesus meeting before you make the decision to believe by faith ONLY. God gave us doctors, He gave those doctors great wisdom and medicine – it takes just as much faith to believe for that medication to do what it is supposed to do and for those doctors’ hands to be guided by wisdom as it does to sit back and just believe for a supernatural healing. And just because your healing came through the actions you took guided by the Holy Spirit, doesn’t make it any less of a miracle and it doesn’t make you any less of a good Christian believer for doing so!

With this rhema, I drove myself up to her and sat down to ask her “Are you choosing to believe only for a miraculous healing because that’s what God has told you to do, or are you making that decision out of fear of the unknown with treatments and surgery?” When I went to see her a few weeks ago, she talked about that weekend when I came to see her several years back and as she said “preach to her and bring her back”. Which is definitely what I did. I had a boldness that weekend when I went to her and got in her face about it – I had my faith to believe for the miraculous, but I also had the guiding of the Holy Spirit in what action to take with that faith.

By the way, my aunt, she’s still here….and she’s cancer free, praise God! She put feet to her faith.

So whatever you are believing for in your life and using your faith for, are you putting feet to that faith? Are you putting action to your beliefs and confession? Or are you just going to be the armchair believer?

God gave us all the same measure of faith to use in our lives. The outcome of that faith, (the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen – Hebrews 11:1) however, will be dependent on you seeking wisdom and guidance from the Holy Spirit on what action to put with your faith. If your New Years resolution was to get healthier and lose weight, you can believe, and wish, and pray for it all you want…but until you put action to it and change your lifestyle and change the way you eat and change whatever else God directs you to change, you won’t see the same results. Are you believing for a new job? Don’t just use your faith and pray about it, but seek God on the steps He wants you to take – where to begin looking, where to put resumes in, who to speak with, etc.

Faith is a precious gift from God to us. Don’t let yours become stagnant and dead, having no action behind it, or pretty soon it’ll be as useless as a screen door on a submarine!

Toss the List

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I began writing this blog several days ago, but then the lists of the holiday season took over. Ironic, I know. There were lists of what needed to bought. Lists of what needed to be wrapped. Lists of what needed to be made. Lists and lists of this and that.

I’d consider myself to be an avid list maker. Making lists is my own personal happy place – it can even give me a semblance of control over something or a situation by making lists. I can even think of countless nights over the years where I couldn’t go to sleep because my mind was in “list mode”. Maybe it’s just a woman thing, but I think in general women come by it naturally. Whether it’s a grocery list or a list of attributes and qualities of a future spouse, women start making lists in grade school. And we don’t just see Point A to Point Z, we see every other step in the alphabet in between, along with the bullet points and foot notes.

Now don’t get me wrong, lists can be a good thing. They can keep you on budget at the grocery store, they can help you remember things to do, but lists can go to the extreme too. So when does the list making go too far?

Like I said, girls start young with the lists. The grade school game of M.A.S.H. is all about lists. But as those young girls get older, and their hearts a little more broken, those lists start getting longer.

I had a pretty long list many years ago. And I justified those lists because of a word that had been spoken over me by a prophet to not settle for anything less than God’s best. I knew what I wanted and I wanted what I knew. But as my lists grew longer, my age older, and my self-esteem lower, God began dealing with me and my incessant list making.

It all started pretty simple, like most of my conversations with God do. “So tell me what is on your list?”, I heard Him say as I began rambling off everything from height and eye color to being a man like my father. I even spent time justifying each of those bullet points in great length with God. But then God really got my attention when I heard Him say, “Do you not trust Me?”.

Never, before that moment, had I looked at MY lists as being a way of not trusting God with my life and not living by faith.

That’s when He reminded me of what His word says: “I knew YOU before I formed YOU” (Jeremiah 1:5), “I know the END from the BEGINNING” (Isaiah 46:10), “My plans for you are good, not bad” (Jeremiah 29:11), so “Seek Me and I will gladly give you your heart’s desires” (Psalm 37:4), “If you know these things, and believe by faith that they are true, then why are you limiting what I have planned for your life with your lists?”. So I tossed MY list and began seeking God on what HIS list was for me.

Tossing my “husband list” all happened several years ago. And I thought I was done with the lists after receiving that correction from the Lord, until that is, I saw I had started using them in other areas of my life again.

Over a year ago I had heard from God to go and visit another church. But I didn’t want to – I was at my lowest (self-esteem) and heaviest (weight) point in my life. I didn’t even want to go to church and see people I’ve known for years, much less go somewhere different and meet new people.

Now, don’t get me wrong. I LOVE my pastors and my personal relationship with them, but I wasn’t in love with my church. I had my list though! Foolishly, I shared it with God again (apparently I didn’t learn my lesson the first time). “God, if I can just have XYZ and ABC, even 123 if I really want to be real about what I want, I would have the perfect church!”. Let me add a little bit of advice here: there is no such thing as a perfect church. There is, however, such a thing as the right church for you – it might be for life, or it might just be for a season, but that is why it’s important to be led by God.

Not surprisingly, God didn’t answer me this time. I can see Him now smirking and shaking His head saying “Didn’t we have this SAME EXACT conversation a few years ago?”

So I went on. Running from what God had told me to do and holding tight to my list every Sunday morning. Pretty soon, I began to see things change at church and I began to see those things on my list get checked off. I actually got really excited….there was MY list, coming to life before my eyes! We were having these amazing moves of the Holy Spirit in our services, with praise and worship leaving behind the “production” aspect of it all and going back to the roots of my youth with tried and true (and anointed) hymns, but it still didn’t feel right.

How could it not feel right though if I was getting everything I had wanted?

That’s when I felt that urgency rise up again at what God had told me to do before. I guess that’s why it didn’t feel right because I was still looking for what I wanted for myself, not for what God wanted for me.

Even after my first Sunday visiting a new church, I still was holding things up to MY list of expectations. Which is exactly what most lists boil down to – expectations. So I sought God and heard Him say, “Do you not think I can be the same God there as I am at any other church, any other service?” And I heard again what His word says: “I knew YOU before I formed YOU” (Jeremiah 1:5), “I know the END from the BEGINNING” (Isaiah 46:10), “My plans for you are good, not bad” (Jeremiah 29:11), so “Seek Me and I will gladly give you your heart’s desires” (Psalm 37:4), “If you know these things, and believe by faith that they are true, then why are you limiting what I have planned for your life with your lists?”

I know God wants the best for me and that He knows better than I ever could of what I need. So I made the decision to allow peace to be my umpire (Colossians 3:15) and I tossed my lists along with all of my expectations. I don’t want to limit what God can do and what He wants for my life.

His word says says in Ephesians 3:20 (NLT) “Now all glory to God, who is able, through his mighty power at work within us, to accomplish infinitely more than we might ask or think.” Don’t put God in a box limited by your lists and don’t narrow Him to your own expectations and ideas for anything in your life: be it a spouse, a church, even a job. You might not know what the future holds, but that’s where you have to let faith take over. As I have started being led by peace and allowing faith to take over my expectations and lists, I’ve seen God show up big time in my life with a new excitement about church. When we toss our lists and stop limiting God in our lives, and we start walking by faith, we’ll see Him show up bigger than ever before!

Does Practice Really Make Perfect?

Last year, around this time, I was Christmas shopping in Target and came across this book: Never Have I Ever, My Life (SO FAR) Without a Date by Katie Heaney. Of course, I snapped a quick photo of it and sent it to Berta, jokingly saying “Hey look, it’s a book about ME!”

Well, I was mostly joking, but part of me was actually a little excited because that meant there was someone else out there like me (for the most part – the dating ship sailed a long time ago). No longer was I some mythical, sparkly unicorn alone in a world full of stallions and asses (yes, I said asses…after trying online dating and the slim pickings that are left over once you reach a certain age, that’s the only word that adequately describes some men you will encounter).  But right there in front of me, in print, was someone else who had the guts to actually share her real self with the world.  This blog is about as close as I’ll ever likely to get to her courageousness in putting something so personal out there.

It’s been two full decades since I sat in a Wednesday chapel service in 7th grade listening to someone talk about Godly and ungodly relationships. We were each handed two hearts; a blue heart and a pink heart glued together. At the end of the message, the speaker then asked us to remove the pink heart from the blue heart without leaving anything behind. After much trying, it was evident that the task before us was impossible. The two hearts could not be removed from one another without tearing and leaving pieces behind on the other heart. Once those hearts separated, they would never be whole again.

This example, of hearts intertwining in a relationship, really stuck with me, and obviously two decades later still does. I wish this analogy could be used with every young person before they reach the age of dating. Will it save everyone from heartache? No. My heart was still broken in high school. But it only took one painful time to know that wasn’t something I wanted to do again. I knew I only had one heart to give and I wanted to give as much of that as is possible to the man God has for me. I just wish I could yell it from the rooftops to today’s youth that the old adage of ‘Practice Makes Perfect’ is a lie straight from hell.

I’ve been listening to my favorite ministry tape series this week on my lunch breaks. It’s amazing how much they still minister to me. For 13 years these tapes about Godly friendships, relationships, and marriages have spoken to me, at different points in my life, new rhema words from God every time.

In 2001, a precious pastor from Australia did a marriage seminar at our church. At that time I was just coming out of a nasty breakup – my only real breakup to this day. I was young, and completely naïve. I had spent two years dating on and off again with ‘D’, but more importantly, I was head over heels in love with him. Well, I was in what I thought at that time in my life was “love” – it was anything but love.

Now, at 32, I look back to my 17-19yr old self and thank God for His protection on me at that point in my life. When I broke up with ‘D’ for the last time in 2001, using a few choice words, I was devastated and my self-worth was non-existent. He knew I had made a decision to save sex for marriage. But somehow, by God’s grace and mercy, he never once pushed me to change my mind. It was absolutely a God thing, because at that age, and as in love as I thought I was, I would have probably caved quickly.  Sounds like a great guy, right? I mean he wasn’t pushing me to sleep with him or anything. Well, that’s what I thought too until Christmas vacation when he went to visit his dad. It didn’t take long, once he was back, for the rumors to make their go around. He wasn’t pressuring me for sex because he was getting it elsewhere. Over his vacation, his father had bought him a prostitute.

Feeling absolutely worthless and undesirable, with the rug yanked from under my feet, I turned to those ministry tapes. I turned to God. I truly believe, with every fiber of my being, that not only did God completely protect me in that situation, but He then hid me away to save me from any further heartache, to save me for my husband one day (FYI God, I’m ok if You are ready to unhide me).

I hear stories now from other friends of things that were happening in our circles at that time, and in the years to follow, and know that God kept me from all of that to protect my heart. Our hearts are far too fragile to be spreading them out, leaving pieces of them behind with each failed relationship.

Listening to the tape series this time (the millionth time), I heard something this week with a new revelation. Dating and breaking up over and over again is nothing but practicing for divorce. Practicing for divorce!

Frankly, I used to be ashamed to admit my inexperience in the dating world; my inexperience in all things really. My good friends can testify to me being the most awkward flirter ever – I either come across as super friendly or a bitch. But you know what? I’m ok with the inexperience (and trust me it’s taken a long time to own up to that – it’s a conscious, daily effort at times). Practice might make perfect when it comes to learning a new instrument or playing a sport, but practicing relationships with the wrong people will never amount to anything perfect by God’s standards!

I think deep down this is why I knew from the start with ‘T’ a couple of years ago that things weren’t right and he wasn’t the ONE. Oh, but “you should still go on a date with him, it never hurts getting in a little dating practice”. I think I can hear God laughing now. I knew then that I didn’t want to ‘date around’, but it took an abscess and a root canal (literally) to get my mind focused on staying the course, WITHOUT practice. God, if you’re reading:

If I ever end up in that boat again (which I never plan to), would you mind giving me a sign that isn’t so costly to my bank account? I’d be forever grateful.
Yours Truly, Gertie

So, here God, take my heart. It’s yours till you see fit to give it to the husband you have for me. No more practicing for failure and practicing for divorce. I’m setting my sights on You and on Your perfect plan. Experience or not, I’d rather fumble my way through life with the right ONE man God has for me than be some expert at it all with a lot of torn up hearts left behind. My ‘Never Have I Ever’ list might be really (REALLY) long, but that’s ok. It’s time to stand up, be proud, and take ownership of that list.

Are You There God? It’s Me, Gertie.

  
When I started blogging two and half years ago, this is not the place I ever expected to take it. If you know me, then you know, humor is my MO. Sarcastic humor, none-the-less. It’s how I cope with things, especially when I feel uncomfortable – it’s a wall I could put up. And on the cusp of my 30th birthday, with the pressure to try online dating one more time, writing a blog about it seemed to be the logical next step. I mean because the first two times I tried it, it was so successful. See there’s that sarcasm again.

But there are only so many funny encounters with online dating you can write about before it just becomes negative. And becoming negative is a slippery slope into bitterness. That’s the slope I was falling down over the last two years. Falling might not be the right word – sledding down on a rocket, at super-sonic speed, might be more accurate. It didn’t really hit me, that that’s what I was doing though, until Berta and I talked one night and she expressed her concern in not wanting to see me become the bitter, single 30something girl. We’ve both seen that girl in a story before, and trust me, it doesn’t end well…That girl? She’s now a 40something bitter, single girl.

All I knew, coming out of that conversation, was that I did not want to become that girl. Bitterness is the quickest way to let go of your dreams, and letting go of my dreams is the one thing I can’t do. Why is that? Because I know God loves me enough to see those dreams He placed in my heart become a reality. So I did what my heart and soul know to do best; I cried out to God, asking if He was still there – still in the middle of it all – because I didn’t feel like He was.

There is a song that always seems to come to my mind in times like this: Storm – by Lifehouse
………”I know You didn’t bring me out here to drown, So why am I ten feet under and upside down? Barely surviving has become my purpose, Because I’m so used to living underneath the surface. If I could just see You, Everything would be all right, If I’d see You, This darkness would turn to light. And I will walk on water. And You will catch me if I fall. And I will get lost into Your eyes. And I know everything will be alright………”

That song exactly summed up how I felt, and had felt for more than two years now. But all I kept thinking about was how friends had all told me that I needed to find contentment in my singleness.

Contentment?! Obviously none of them had been single in their 30’s. Why should I be content with something I know is not God’s best for me?

But then, God.

Just as He had been telling me all these years to “wait“, He reminded me of what he spoke to my heart sitting in service at the Southwest Believers Convention in 2013 and I knew it wasn’t about finding contentment in being single, it was about finding who I was in Him.

Matthew 6: 32-33 (NLT)
“These things dominate the thoughts of unbelievers, but your heavenly Father already knows all your needs. Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need.” 

God still has some work to do with me…I’ve got to learn to listen to Him and obey the first time He tells me something. I’d save myself a lot of heartache in the end for sure. But this time (I’m not going to lie, it’s the second time around), I obeyed and stepped way out of my comfort zone. And what have I been rewarded with? CONTENTMENT! and excitement and anticipation and happiness! I have found that I have a new excitement about church again, an anticipation of what God has in store for my future, and in general a new happiness that I know now can only be found when you seek God first.

So look for a lot more posts like this. Luke 6:45 “…out of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaks…” or in my case, the fingers type and boy, oh boy, do I have a lot more to type. All in due time, dear readers. All in due time. Gertie is letting go of any negativity and bitterness and letting God’s contentment take over.